Stay on the subject. It’s easy to bring things up from the past. It’s tempting and makes good ammunition if you’re arguing. But if you find yourself doing this – STOP! Its not helping the situation – it will do more damage than good. Instead, stay focused on your current topic, dig down deep; identify and state your feelings. Work toward trying to understanding your partner and toward finding a solution.
Attempt to See the Other Person’s Point of View: When we fight, feeling heard and understood is at the top of our list. We tend to push our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. It’s ironic that if this happens all the time, there’s not much attention paid to the other person’s point of view. The result is that no one feels understood. When you’re disagreeing, try to see the other person’s side. Listen carefully to what’s being said. Reflect back what you’ve heard to make sure you got it right. Then you can better explain your position. If you don’t get what the other person is saying, ask more questions until you do.